Restoring Broken Relationships: A Christian Approach
I normally post only book reviews, but i may start posting more than book reviews. Today I have something more on my heart and wanted to write it down and share it with you.
In most Christian circles, restoration with God not only comes as a result of turning from your sins, but also by recognizing and taking responsibility for those sins. You don't get "forgiveness points" simply for having positive interactions (good deeds, goosebumps during prayer, worship time) with Him. That is a part of it, but it doesn't start nor end there. Restoration and reparations in the relationship start with the acknowledgement to God of wrong-doing (sin), and a genuine desire to turn that around.
It is exactly the same in broken/strained human relationships. We all have to recognize that 'I am the common denominator in ALL of my broken, damaged, or strained relationships'....and yes you are! Take responsibility to start correctly repairing the damage. It won't fix itself, and passive yet positive interactions are not going to cause reparations to start.
Repeated attempts at passive but positive engagements and interactions, void of toxicity or hostility are merely empty attempts at restoration of broken relationships. They hold zero value until real reparations have begun.
Trying to "be nice" is an empty attempt at repairing past damage and will actually further the damage to the relationship by exposing the unimportance the relationship holds in your mind.
If the relationship is worth repairing then YOU will need to take up YOUR cross (bear the burden and make it yours), and take responsibility for damage done. This is difficult to do, but if YOU want to restore a relationship with a person who has been hurt, this is what it will take. Nothing short of that will be a substitute for reparations.
A person with covert narcissistic tendencies will always try to "be nice" in public or in online forums and social media in order to present themselves as "trying to have a good relationship" while accusing the other person as not reciprocating. This is like putting a bandaid on gangrene. It's a futile attempt to save something, while ignoring what really needs to be done.
If you are leaving behind a wasteland of broken and strained relationships, the best thing you can do is take a lesson from the Christian steps to salvation. Examine yourself, take accountability in how you have treated those who have been damaged. Then take responsibility and present these things to those in the strained or broken relationships. This may start reparations, or they may say "it's too late". Either way, you get freedom.
The process is the same whether saving your relationship with God, or another human except for one detail. You can pray and ask God to reveal to you things in your life that He needs you to change. You cannot do this with humans. Why? You know for certain that God wants your relationship with Him resolved. You don't know this about your personal or family relationships. Self-awareness is going to be your best approach.
Asking, "what have I ever done to you" is only asking for trouble. Personally, I will not participate in that line of questioning. You must examine yourself and be willing to accept that you have hurt others. There comes a point in the human relationship that anything short of this will only further the damage.
These are simply my personal thoughts on the matter. If you find them helpful, glad I could help. If you find them to be rubbish, that's okay too.
Be a blessing to God!
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